Some days I feel like Super Mom, like when I've successfully managed to get both boys dressed, fed and out of the house without anyone having a major meltdown (myself included) and I'm able to take care of errands, put the laundry away and get dinner on the table before Captain Husband comes home from work. And then there are the days when everyone is still in their pajamas at three o' clock in the afternoon and Nick Jr. has been playing non-stop because that's the only way I can get Sammy to take the whining down to a level that doesn't make me want to scream while I'm stuck on the couch with Charlie latched on to me every half hour...this sort of day happens more than I'd care to admit. Of course, it doesn't help that there's a huge part of me that's convinced that I'm neglecting the boys in some way, so I just hope that at the very least I'm neglecting them equally. Gotta keep things fair, right?
I've got so many balls in the air and I know that unless things change in some way I'm in serious danger of dropping them all; I spend so much time taking care of the boys' wants and needs that there's really no time for myself. And don't get me started on my relationship with CH: to say that it's strained would be pretty accurate and the demands of his job haven't exactly made things any easier. There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to satisfy everyone and since Sammy and Charlie still can't really fend for themselves, that means CH drops to the bottom of my priority list...well, actually I'm at the bottom of my priority list, which really isn't much better to admit. If anyone has any advice for me, I'd really appreciate it. I'm trying to find a sitter (the sitter that we loved moved back to Michigan this summer) and am looking into daycare options that would at least give me a morning or two when I'm down to only one kid to look after, but so far that's all I've got.
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7 comments:
I have to say, I only have one kid, and work full time, and I feel exactly the same way. Some days I flip my crap and tell my husband I can't possibly take care of him and our son at once, so he better adult up. And others I get home after working all day, and have dinner on the table and a loaf of bread rising in the window by 6. So just take it a day at a time, and realize that other parents are going through exactly the same things. Maybe reconnect with your playgroups? Adult interaction is really key to a healthy mommy mind.
Aww, hon! I felt exactly the same way when our youngest was born.(in reality sometimes I still do) To say that a couple of times a week the kids spent all day on the couch with me and the tv would be an understatement, but it gets better. My oldest slowly learned to play by herself and I started putting both kids to bed at about 700 so that I could take a nice long shower before I fell into bed myself. I put them both upstairs in their beds for a nap even if there was no sleeping, just so I could catch my breath, maybe watch an adult show, or eat a meal while it was still hot. The best advice I got during this stage was, "you can't be the mom you want to be if you don't take care of yourself." The Squid was gone during this which was helpful, sadly, because that was one less person who relied on me. When he came home, it was really hard. I wish I had more for you, but know you aren't alone and if you need to talk you know my email! :)
I wish I had sage wisdom to share! Even with just a husband and two cats and a full-time job with a long commute I sometimes feel like I'm failing miserably at it all. I think what your other responders have said is exactly on target - you are not alone! The best you can is sometimes the best there is. Don't hold yourself up to some mythical expectations. And yes, put yourself in the equation somehow - the kids need you to be healthy and sane :) xo
Oh, poor you! No advise from me. I am still struggling with exactly these feelings with only Amy. However, be assured you are a great mum from what I can "see". Don't be so hard on yourself. Daycare sounds like a good idea to me. Amy loves her play group twice a week.
First off, you are not alone! The transition periods when you have a new child are ROUGH. But things do get (mostly) better, especially when the baby gets old enough you can throw them a cracker or something when they're hungry... I love breastfeeding, but the every two hours thing gets old pretty quickly. Especially when all you can think about while you're sitting there are all the other things you could be doing instead. But I'm stuck in the same "rut" of there definitely not being enough of me to go around so I have no advice there. But I can say that you are not neglecting your children! Plus, learning to play and entertain themselves is a vital skill they will use their entire lives. So don't beat yourself up if you can't interact with them every second of every day. Also, I find that shutting the kids in their room when they get reaaallly whiny is the best course of action. They rediscover all their awesome toys and I get a breather (so I can calm down and remember that I do love them). Oh, and I've found that Rob gets a lot better about his demands on me after I leave him alone with the kids while I run an errand or something. It usually wakes him up to the fact that being a stay at home mom can be tougher than his job:)
Hugs friend! I know how you feel. I have two high maintenance children and when my youngest was a baby I thought some days I would just run away. My kids watch entirely to much tv or play games on my iPhone but sometime I just want to get my cleaning down without the constant fighting between both kids. Your not a bad momma or wife! Just get through these first few months and things will get better I promise! My base offers a program through the child development center called toddler play group, my oldest went 3 days a week for 4 hours a day and he loved it and I needed that break with just one kid! Now my youngest goes while my oldest goes to preschool it's amazing to have some alone time. My relationship with my husband and myself has improved ten fold!
Hang in there:) I have nothing earth shattering to share other than I feel your pain. Every day is a struggle some weeks. There are times when I feel like I haven't even talked with DH in over a week even though we're in the same house at the same time. Divide and conquer is our motto these days.
The one thing that has helped some is to sit down on the weekend (during nap time for Noah, while feeding Lia) and plan for the coming week. Plan meals, activities, etc. That way I don't really have to think. I can just react and get thru it.
I've also accepted that right now they only things that are getting done are the critical things. Provided everyone is fed and dressed in something weather appropriate I consider it a win:)
Also, try to learn how to nurse while wearing your Ergo/carrier. OMG...what a liberator for me! I just pop her in there, throw a blanket over my shoulder and go about chasing Noah around:)
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