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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Beginning your day in the grossest way possible in 15 easy steps!

Step 1. Get a cat, preferably one who has had past issues controlling her bowels.
Step 2. Outfit your bed in all white.
Step 3. Prepare for a night's rest.
Step 4. Allow cat to sleep with you in the all white bed.
Step 5. Awake at 3:30 am with an overwhelming feeling that something is wrong, but you can't put your finger on it.
Step 6. In the search for your glasses, you put your finger in something.
Step 7. Scramble groggily for the lights.
Step 8. Shriek in horror at the Rorschach-style nightmare your cat's bowels have unleashed onto the comforter, sheets, and the pillow your head had rested upon no less than two minutes ago.
Step 9. Remove the cat to the bathroom where she can be hosed down.
Step 10. Look into the mirror in the bathroom and discover you have feces all down your left arm.
Step 11. Shriek in horror and pull a Lady Macbeth for about 10 minutes, scrubbing until your skin is red.
Step 12. Slather some stain stuff on the bedding and load it into the washer.
Step 13. Remake the bed with new sheets.
Step 14. Realize it is now 4 am and you have to be up in about 3 hours.
Step 15. Try to get back to sleep and toss and turn for the next hour or so, convinced that you somehow missed something and the poop is still there...waiting for you to drop your guard.



G. said...

Oh no! How awful. I'm not laughing at all. Really.

L. said...

I can pretend that you're laughing with me, if that makes you feel any better. :)

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