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Friday, August 19, 2011

Please welcome Tonya from Whoopsidaisy!

My name is Tonya and I am a SAHM of four.

This is my go-to line of introduction when I’m asked to tell a little about myself.   Case in point is a writing group I recently joined.  As I looked into the circle of unfamiliar faces, these were my exact words. 

After the meeting I pondered why I didn’t say “My name is Tonya, and I am writing a novel” or “My name is Tonya and I love the outdoors.”

Now that my children are growing older, (my youngest is three, oldest is 14), I’m finding an intense need to carve out more time for myself, more time to just be Tonya. 

But who is Tonya without her children?

I’ve come to realize that my children are perfect to hide behind at times when I’m feeling insecure.  Have to go to a large gathering?  Take the kids along!  They can look cute and provide endless conversation starters.  My 20th high school reunion?  Buy a ticket, plan to go, and then chicken out at the last minute, using the kids as an excuse.

This is NOT a good thing.  It keeps me from taking risks, using my children as shields to block uncomfortable feelings. 

So what am I doing about this?  I’m taking more “me” time.  Not an easy for me for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because I don’t want to burden anyone – it was our decision to have four children, so I had better just buck up and deal with it, damnit!

However, to quote an overused phrase, it takes a village.  We live such separated lives.  Families all over the country, if not the globe.  Mothers working full-time, part-time, all-the-time.  We may know our neighbors only by the occasional wave or polite “How are you?”

Where is our village?  we may ask ourselves.  Although it is difficult, find that village we must.  Even if it takes us into unfamiliar territory. 

For me, blogging is becoming part of my village.  Frankly, I was a wreck about blogging at first.  Who are these strangers who would want to read about me?  Why do they care?  Is blogging yet another form of navel-gazing in our it’s-all-about-me, Paris Hilton, reality television immersed society?

Well, blogging IS NOT that.  It’s about connection.  Connection to others in our fractured world.

So who am I?  I am Tonya.   Blogger.  Writer.  Lover of the Outdoors.  AND mother of four.

1 comment:

becoming claudine said...

I love this post -- so honest and reflective. And so proud of you for taking the dive into more Tonya time! It isn't easy, I know!

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